Husk

As we pulled away from my house, the car doors locked automatically. Nothing really frightening, just standard procedure in cars today so I wasn’t worried. She pulled down the street and took a left. She hadn’t been in the area in a while, so perhaps she had forgot that the usual Tim Horton’s was actually to the right. But then I thought she might have been going to the new one out by the highway. It was the least busy of them and we certainly wouldn’t be seen by anyone, which I think is what we both wanted considering the situation.

Yet when she pulled onto the highway I looked at her with what I hoped was only curiosity and not the fear that seemed to be growing in me; spreading fast.

“Oh,” she said with a shrug and a smile, “I forgot to tell you. I’m kidnaping you.”

The truth of her statement sank into me the farther we got from home. After a couple hours on the highway she finally pulled off into a little town that seemed quiet and deserted. The majority of the trip had been silent except for the music on the radio and there were still no words spoken now. She drove with a purpose; glancing at me with a smile every few minutes. But I was still quite uneasy about my whole ‘abduction’.

As natural as if she was following a predetermined past she directed us through the streets of the peaceful town to an unknown goal. The streets were empty. The homes were dark and slumbering, huddled close against the cold. I got the feeling that we were invading into an unsuspecting body; like the noise of the engine would destroy this tranquil serenity. Maybe someone would wake and rescue me.

Soon the sky was lit with the glow of disgusting neon lights which drew the eye instantly. The flashing reds, blues, and yellows were both inviting and revolting. As we got closer, the brightest of the flashes read ‘Vacancy’. The feeling in my stomach didn’t ease up when she started to slow down. It was late into the night so there were already a few cars settled into the spots outside the rooms. Most of the windows were dark except for a room on the end and the office which was part of an attached house.

She parked in a spot across from the office and smiled widely at me as she turned off the car. “I’ll be right back, okay?” she said as she pulled the key from the ignition and stuck it into her coat pocket. As she went into the office I got out of the car to stretch my legs.

I also took the time to weigh my options. I know in general where I was and could probably make it to the highway from here. It was a small town so signs pointing the way should be easy to find. The only problem was I’d have to walk which would be pointless for an escape. I leaned against the car and looked into the large window of the office to see a middle-aged woman hand my abductor a set of keys with a smile. Everyone was all smiles but me.

How do I get myself into these things?

Why do I get myself into these things?

Her footsteps announced her presence as she walked up beside me. “I got us a room,” there was a cheery tone in her voice, “Are you ready?”

I sighed inwardly and tried to a smile on my face.

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

When I woke the next morning I felt ill. I knew I wasn’t sick but still my stomach certainly remembered better days. We were entwined together on the bed in an artistic and comfortable way. Her head was on my chest with her hands tucked under me. I closed my eyes to stop the spinning ceiling. Instead of calming darkness I was greeted with momentary images from last night. Her overpowering my lackluster reluctance. My body succumbing to practiced action and not desire. I became the pilot of a puppet where I couldn’t pull the strings. A third person with a first person view.

I did what she thought I wanted to do. But I only did it because she wanted me to. She was sleeping peacefully; content.

Happy.

The drive home was silent. Her face still wearing a wide smile from last night. The music was loud. The way she liked it. She sang and smiled, drumming on my leg with her off hand to a beat I couldn’t really listen to. I wasn’t in control of things. I wasn’t in control of myself. Who was pulling the strings?

When she dropped me off she kissed me. I looked around to see if anyone was watching. On the walk up to the front door I tried to find a reason for last night. I couldn’t come up with anything.

There was no reason at all. I felt empty.

I felt like nothing.

Yet still. If I was nothing more than an empty shell, a husk, then who is in control.

Who is pulling my strings?